Newsletter 19/09/2013

CLUB NEWSLETTER      

We are now looking again for a new cook. It would be great if we could find someone like either of our previous Anns! We’d like to hear particularly from younger qualified people wishing to gain experience. If you know of anyone who might be interested please let us know. An ad will appear in next week’s Echo.

Watch out for the competitions. The remaining rounds will be listed on the notice board this weekend.

Please save your 10p pieces to add to the charity fundraising pile on the bar.

If you know members who have email, please encourage them to sign up for the free Newsletter if they haven’t already done so. We have over 270 subscribers and there could be several more with broadband out of the total 350+ membership.

Forthcoming events: 

Saturday 28th September – Steve Clements guitar/vocals.  

Thursday 3rd October – Quiz – presented by Chris Milnes. Dave and Ruth Marshall won the £240 jackpot last time !  The next quiz will start off with £20 in the jackpot kitty.

                       

GUEST ALES     Wadsworth’s “6X” (abv 4.3) sponsored by Mike Clay, “Old Peculier” (5.5) sponsored by Steve Hughes, “Betty Stoggs” sponsored by Nigel Burn, “Scarlet Macaw” (4.4) sponsored by Mick and Val Bellamy and Cathedral Heights – a local brewery – “Churchill’s Pride” (3.9) sponsored by Ted Milnes. If you wish to sponsor an ale of your choice please talk to Laurence.

This week’s offering: 

All you needed to know about the Winter Fuel payment, but were afraid to ask ……

Older taxpayers receive a ‘Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is a ‘Winter Fuel’ payment ?          A. It is money that the government sends to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money ?                 A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?          A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?               A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity…or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?          A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your ‘Winter Fuel’ payment wisely:
* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Gulf.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase clothes, it will go to Bangladesh.
* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide them offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1. Spending it at car boot sales

2. Going to night clubs

3. Spending it on prostitutes

4. Buying beer or whisky

5. Getting yourself a tattoo

6. Visiting a bookie

(These are of course the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K.)

Conclusion: Be patriotic – go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute whom you met at a car boot sale, OR drink beer day and night, at the Castle Hill Club, naturally !

No need to thank me…just glad I could be of help.

           Kind regards
             Ted Milnes
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