Newsletter 10/07/2014

Anyone for Bridge, Dominoes, or Chess? If there is interest in the notion of organised separate evenings for these games then just let me know. They could be monthly on a regular day, for example. If you are interested please contact me on tedandjean1968@btinternet.com

There will be a BBQ during July’s Music Night on 26th.  Tickets are on sale in the club @ £5 which entitles the holder to a standard drink from the bar as well as an item (sausage or burger) from the BBQ; any subsequent item from the BBQ will cost £2. You may purchase as many tickets @ £5 as you wish. We’ll finalise numbers from the tickets sold the day before the event. Looking forward to a fun evening.

SOCIAL EVENTS: Dates for your Diary:

Saturday 26th July – the welcome return of Steve Clements. BBQ (see above).

MENUSVegetarian options. Booking essential.

  • Wednesday and Friday menus are priced @ £6-50 for main course, £3-50 for a choice of desserts, and £9 for both.
  • Sunday menus are priced @ £8-50 for main course, £3-50 for a choice of desserts, and £11 for both.
  • Omelettes are available on every service from Weds 2nd July onwards with a variety of fillings, served with salad and chips.

Friday11th – fried fish & chips or poached salmon with hollandaise sauce & new potatoes.
Sunday 13th – chicken breast wrapped in bacon, sausage meat stuffing, roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, fresh veg & gravy.
Wednesday 16th – meatballs in Italian tomato sauce with cheese & rice or chips, homemade cheese & herb bread
Friday 18th – fried fish or scampi with chips & peas
Sunday 20th – roast turkey, chipolata wrapped in bacon, stuffing, Yorkshire pudding, fresh veg & gravy
Wednesday 23rd – farmhouse pie (raised cold pie), homemade coleslaw, salad & chips or leek & cheese flan
Friday 25th – fried fish, chips & peas or cold prawn & noodle salad with shredded fresh veg & sweet chilli
Sunday 27th – roast beef, Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, fresh veg & gravy
Wednesday 30th – homemade pizza (choice of toppings) salad, homemade coleslaw

REGULAR NOTICES: 1.      Please save your 10p pieces to add to the charity fundraising pile on the bar.        2.      If you know members who have email, please encourage them to sign up for the free Newsletter if they haven’t already done so. We have over 275 subscribers and there could be several more with broadband out of the total 345+ membership.

GUEST ALES: “Moon Gazer Ruby” (abv 4.0) sponsored by Daniel Hutchineson, Timothy Taylor’s Dark Mild (3.5) sponsored by Keith Dolby and Nev Pearson,  “Bombardier” (4.2)  sponsored by Glen Ford, Ringwood “Forty-Niner” (4.9) sponsored by Steve Hughes and Dales “Wobble Gob” (4.9) sponsored by Mick and Val . If you wish to sponsor an ale of your choice please speak to Laurence.

 

This week’s offerings:

Son: “Dad, we’re learning about prisms at school. They’re fascinating.”

Dad: “That’s good son, because as a dyslexic black boy, you’re bound to end up in one.”

 

Darren decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Darren, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”

Darren says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”

 

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

 

Gary caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself. He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says “Don’t laugh, your next!!”

 

Joe, wanting to become a Priest, went to see the Bishop who said “You must answer 3 questions on the Bible”.

“1st – Who was born in a stable?”

“Red Rum” he replied

“2nd – What do you think of Damascus?

“It kills 99% of all germs” he replied.

“3rd – What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive?”

“That’s easy” he said “Popeye kicked the sh*t out of them!!”

 

Little boy gets home from school and says “Dad, I’ve got a part in the school play as a man who’s been married for 25 years.”

His Dad replies “Never mind Son. Maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part!!”

 

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: “I’ve blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i” rather than “I’ve just buggered a 14 year old escort”.

The police still haven’t seen the funny side, my lap top’s been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.

 

Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.

Police say the dangerous practice is called “e by gum”

 

A Yorkshireman’s dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: “Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?”

Jeweller: “Do you want it 18 carat?”

Yorkshireman: “No I want it chewin’ a bone yer daft bugger!”

 

The last is always best

Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist “Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?”

Chemist replies “Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?”

  

Kind regards

Ted

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