Newsletter 16/10/2014

SOCIAL EVENTS: Dates for your Diary:

THIS Saturday 18th October 8.00pm – Illustrated talk by Peter Robinson on “Lincoln’s Industries in World War II”-+

Saturday 25th October 8.00pm – Music Night + BBQ.  ‘Bash ‘ from Elya’s Agency 1 – Male vocalist with acoustic guitar and backing tracks singing Elvis, Johnny Cash. First time in the Club.

Thursday 6th September – Quiz, hosted by Phil Moss. Lucky 7 Jackpot has been reset to stand at £20 as Sue Powis won it (£140) last time!

New Year’s Eve – Wednesday 31st December. Why not see the New Year In at the Club to the sound of the Cathedral bells?  There will be a singer, Ted’s famous Quiz of the Year, a buffet and, most of all, good company.

REGULAR NOTICES:

  1. Please save your 10p pieces to add to the charity fundraising pile on the bar.
  2. Members may use the club for their family events, birthdays, retirement parties, etc, for no charge. Simply make arrangements with Laurence.

GUEST ALES: “Southwold” (abv 3.7) sponsored by Charlie Nelson and “Arran Dark” (4.3) sponsored by Daniel Hutchinson.  If you wish to sponsor an ale of your choice please speak to Laurence.

This week’s offerings: Tornado in Alfreton – An Appeal for Your Help

A localised tornado with wind speeds up to chuffing fast, struck the Derbyshire town of Alfreton this morning. News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town’s ten thousand racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering “F…… hell!” and “What the chuff were that?”

The tornado decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa’s were damaged beyond repair, and three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken up well before their Giro arrived. Radio Derby reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Alfreton.

One resident of Ley Gardens, 17 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: “It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking later that morning when I was watching Jeremy Kyle”.

Locals are determined not to be bowed, and looting, muggings and car crime is carrying on as normal.

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone China from Pound-Stretcher.

Can You Help….?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the victims of this disaster.
Clothing is needed most of all, especially:
• Fila or Burberry baseball caps
• Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)
• Shell suits (female)
• White sports socks
• Rock-Fort boots or any other product sold in Primark

Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference. Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Special Brew or White Lightening are ideal.

Please do not give anything that requires peeling. Remember:
40p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims
£3.50 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9
£7.50 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child’s nerves

Urgently required: Tinned dog food and Bones for Staffordshire Bull Terriers.

Please do not send tents for shelter. The sight of such posh housing will cause discontent in the surrounding North Derbyshire communities.

Drop off points for donations are now set up at Poundland, Iceland and Clinton Cards.
Thank you.

  

Kind regards

Ted

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