Newsletter 05/11/2015

  • The Snooker room out of use for redecoration Tuesday 10th from noon to

Friday 13th at 5.30 for redecoration.

  • Scaffolding will be going up from this Friday for essential stable roof maintenance.

The club car parking space will be unavailable while the work is carried out.

 

  • YOUR CLUB LETTER IS NOW READY FOR COLLECTION. PLEASE TAKE YOURS AND ALSO PASS OTHERS ON IF YOU CAN TO SAVE POSTAGE. Those remaining uncollected will be posted in mid-November.
·          RED ARROWS Steve Forrest who is one of the ground crew (the ones in blue overalls) will give an illustrated talk on Saturday 14th November starting about 8.30. Please sign up on the list on the notice board so we can get an idea of numbers.

 

SOCIAL EVENTS: Dates for your Diary:

Unless stated otherwise, most events begin about 8.30

TODAY Thursday 5th November – Quiz. Lucky 7 Jackpot £110. Mushy peas.

Saturday 14th November – Red Arrows illustrated talk (see above).

Friday 27th November – “Helen and the Moonlighters” – Fish’nChips available. Saturday 19th December – James Harvey – Christmas Draw.

New Year’s EveThursday 31st December – Ted’s famous “Quiz of the Year” – “Neil Diamond” – special buffet – Why not see the New Year in at the Club to the sound of the Cathedral bells?

Saturday 13th February – Casino Night – details later.

 

 REGULAR NOTICES:

 

  1. Sunday lunches, Wednesday evening meals, Friday evening Fish’nChips, and Saturday lunchtimes.
  1. There are 28-day passes available, located on the shelf below the notice board near the TV. If you know someone who would like one just fill in the details on the pass itself and its stub.
  2. Opening times: Weekdays – 12.00 to 15.00 / 17.30 to 23.00

Saturdays and Sundays-12.00 to 23.00 – Christmas Day: 11.00 to 14.00

We may extend to 2.00 a.m. on special occasions and please feel free to use the club for business meetings and interest group meetings as well as the usual family events. Catering available on request. Simply make arrangements with Laurence

GUEST ALES:   Courage “Directors” (4.8) sponsored by Ted Milnes, and “Snecklifter” (5.1) sponsored by George Berzins. If you wish to sponsor an ale of your choice please speak to Laurence.

 

This week’s offerings:

 

From the Uxbridge English Dictionary:

Loiter……….device used by smokers in the West Country.

Lovelorn……to be very, very fond of grass

 

Quotes of the week:   David Letterman America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wresting is real but that the moon landing was faked.                                                                 Old Italian proverb After the game, both the King and the pawn go into the same box.

This week’s offering:

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried forwards, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack – selling ties
The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?”
The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5”
The Taliban shouted hysterically, “Idiot! Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment I spit on your ties. I need water!”
“Sorry, I have none, just ties – pure silk, and only $5”
“Pahh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!”
“Okay,” said the little old Jewish man “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me, or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me ‘infidel.’ I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go in Peace”
Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.
Several hours later, he crawled back again, almost dead, and gasped,
“They won’t let me in without a tie!”

Excruciating one-liner:

Rumour has it that terrorists are increasingly using exploding insects to further their aims. In particular the public should watch out for jihadilonglegs !

Kind regards

Ted

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