Newsletter 14/01/2016

We’re saddened to hear of the passing of A.P.D (Tony) Cole who joined in 1994. Our thoughts are with his family at this difficult time.

  • The Bridge Group is now meeting on Wednesdays. If you would like to participate please reply to me and I’ll put you in touch.
  • The Newsletter “Member to Member area” is situated after Social Events. Announcements welcome.
  • “And now for something completely different!” See February 13th below.

SOCIAL EVENTS: Dates for your Diary:

Unless stated otherwise, most events begin about 8.30   

Friday 29th January – “Special Riders” Chicago Blues Band. Why not combine with the Club’s Fish’nChips beforehand ?

Thursday 4th February – QUIZ

Saturday 13th February – A James Bond themed Casino Evening from 8.00 pm onwards. Choose your own dress code from your favourite Bond character, Spectre villain,  Black tie/ Evening dress, Lounge suit or smart casual. Just give your support to this new venture. Usual Raffle and Buffet. All members and guests welcome.

Saturday 27th February – Elya – terrific vocalist.

Member to member area:

Members’ Businesses and Services: fee £50 per annum

Antique clocks, furniture and miscellaneous items for sale. POA. 01522 543167 / 07860 679495.

Estate & Letting Agent Derri Coppin  01522 382 382

Members’ Items for Sale: fee £5 until sold

Gents Claude Butler bicycle 24 gears – offers – buyer collects – 787441 to view

Bookcase 7 feet long made from sapele wood – offers – buyer collects – 787441 to view

To advertise please email:


  1. Sunday lunches, Wednesday evening meals, Friday evening Fish’nChips, and Saturday lunchtimes.
  1. There are 28-day passes available, located on the shelf below the notice board near the TV. If you know someone who would like one just fill in the details on the pass itself and its stub.
  2. Opening times: Weekdays – 12.00 to 15.00 / 17.30 to 23.00

Saturdays and Sundays-12.00 to 23.00 – Christmas Day: 11.00 to 14.00

We may extend to 2.00 a.m. on special occasions and please feel free to use the club for business meetings and interest group meetings as well as the usual family events. Catering available on request. Simply make arrangements with Laurence.

GUEST ALES:   Bass (4.4) sponsored by CHC. If you wish to sponsor an ale of your choice please speak to Laurence.

This week’s offerings:

From the Uxbridge English Dictionary:

Reindeer………….polite weather forecast.

Reincarnation…….born again as a tin of condensed milk.

  • The children were lined up in the dining hall of a Catholic primary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun placed a notice next to them; “Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving along the lunch queue, at the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child said to his friends: “Take all you want. God is watching the apples!”


  • The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Tim Nice-but-Dim, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. “What’s happened Tim?” she asks anxiously.
    “What’s happened? I’ll tell you what’s happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home … and guess what I found. Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with another man in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I’m done. I’m leaving forever!”
    “Ah now, calm down, calm down Tim!” says his mother-in-law. “There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I’ll go and speak to her immediately and find out what happened.”
    Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
    “Tim, there I told you there must be a simple explanation…………… She never got your email!”

Kind regards



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