Newsletter 21/01/2016

We’re saddened to hear of the passing of D. (Ted) Turner who joined in 2008. Our thoughts are with his family at this difficult time.

  • The Bridge Group is now meeting on Wednesdays. If you would like to participate please reply to me and I’ll put you in touch.
  • The Newsletter “Member to Member area” is situated after Social Events. Announcements welcome. Just drop me an email by replying to this one.

SOCIAL EVENTS: Dates for your Diary:

Unless stated otherwise, most events begin about 8.30   

Friday 29th January – “Special Riders” Chicago Blues Band. Why not combine with the Club’s Fish’nChips beforehand ?

Thursday 4th February – QUIZ

Saturday 13th February – A James Bond themed Casino Evening from 8.00 pm onwards. Choose your own dress code from your favourite Bond character, Spectre villain, Black tie/ Evening dress, Lounge suit or smart casual. Just give your support to this new venture. Usual Raffle and Buffet. All members and guests welcome.

Saturday 27th February – Elya – terrific vocalist.

Member to member area:

Members’ Businesses and Services: fee £50 per annum

Antique clocks, furniture and miscellaneous items for sale. POA. 01522 543167 / 07860 679495.

Estate & Letting Agent Derri Coppin  01522 382 382

Members’ Items for Sale: fee £5 until sold

Gents Claude Butler bicycle 24 gears – offers – buyer collects – 787441 to view

Bookcase 7 feet long made from sapele wood – offers – buyer collects – 787441 to view

To advertise please email:   edward.milnes@btinternet.com

 REGULAR NOTICES:

  1. Sunday lunches, Wednesday evening meals, Friday evening Fish’nChips, and Saturday lunchtimes.
  1. There are 28-day passes available, located on the shelf below the notice board near the TV. If you know someone who would like one just fill in the details on the pass itself and its stub.
  2. Opening times: Weekdays – 12.00 to 15.00 / 17.30 to 23.00

Saturdays and Sundays-12.00 to 23.00 – Christmas Day: 11.00 to 14.00

We may extend to 2.00 a.m. on special occasions and please feel free to use the club for business meetings and interest group meetings as well as the usual family events. Catering available on request. Simply make arrangements with Laurence.

GUEST ALES:   Bass (4.4) sponsored by CHC. If you wish to sponsor an ale of your choice please speak to Laurence.

This week’s offerings:

From the Uxbridge English Dictionary:

Quest…………….the Jonathan Ross family coat of arms.

Rev Counter…….a survey of vicars.

I recently signed on with a new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive blood tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age (I am 78).
A little concerned about that comment, I said, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’
She asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or spirits?’
‘Oh no,’ I replied ‘I’m don’t do drugs, either!’
Then she asked, ‘Do you eat steaks and roast meats?’
‘I said, ‘Not much. Eating too much red meat is unhealthy!’
‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or cycling?’
‘No, I don’t,’ I said
She asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’

‘’No,’ I said
She looked at me and said, ‘Then, why do you even give a damn?’

A little boy goes to his father and asks ‘Daddy, how was I born?’

The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mother and I first got together in an online chat room.  Then I set up a date with her via e-mail and we met at a cyber-café. We sneaked into a secluded room and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, a little Pop-Up appeared nine months later. It said:

‘You’ve got Male!’

Kind regards

Ted

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