Newsletter 28/01/2016

It has been suggested that members might like to have a club tie. If you’re interested please reply to this message and we’ll investigate further.

SOCIAL EVENTS: Dates for your Diary:

Unless stated otherwise, most events begin about 8.30   

TOMORROW, Friday 29th January – “Special Riders” Chicago Blues Band. Why not combine with the Club’s Fish’nChips beforehand ?

Thursday 4th February – QUIZ

Saturday 13th February – A James Bond themed Casino Evening from 8.00 pm onwards. Choose your own dress code from your favourite Bond character, Spectre villain, Black tie/ Evening dress, Lounge suit or smart casual. Just give your support to this new venture. Usual Raffle and Buffet. All members and guests welcome.

Saturday 27th February – Elya – terrific vocalist.

Member to member area:

Members’ Businesses and Services: fee £50 per annum

Antique clocks, furniture and miscellaneous items for sale. POA. 01522 543167 / 07860 679495.

Estate & Letting Agent Derri Coppin  01522 382 382

Members’ Items for Sale: fee £5 until sold

Gents Claude Butler bicycle 24 gears – offers – buyer collects – 787441 to view                                     Bookcase 7 feet long made from sapele wood – offers – buyer collects – 787441 to view

To advertise please email:   edward.milnes@btinternet.com

 REGULAR NOTICES:

  1. Sunday lunches, Wednesday evening meals, Friday evening Fish’nChips, and Saturday lunchtimes.
  1. There are 28-day passes available, located on the shelf below the notice board near the TV. If you know someone who would like one just fill in the details on the pass itself and its stub.
  2. Opening times: Weekdays – 12.00 to 15.00 / 17.30 to 23.00

Saturdays and Sundays-12.00 to 23.00 – Christmas Day: 11.00 to 14.00

We may extend to 2.00 a.m. on special occasions and please feel free to use the club for business meetings and interest group meetings as well as the usual family events. Catering available on request. Simply make arrangements with Laurence.

GUEST ALES:   Thwaites Original (abv 3.6) sponsored by Ben Berzins and Rev. James (4.5) sponsored by CHC. If you wish to sponsor an ale of your choice please speak to Laurence.

 

This week’s offerings:

From the Uxbridge English Dictionary:

Sago…..…a very good way to start a race.

Sandy…….that’s convenient.

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Glasgow, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down, except to exit the building!”

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. ‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.’Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. ‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’ Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

Floor 1 – Wives that Love Sex.

Floor 2 – Wives that Love Sex and have Money and like Beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Kind regards

Ted

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