Newsletter 11/02/2016

New addition to the menus on Wednesdays and Fridays:

Castle Hill Club Mixed Grill – 4oz Ribeye, 4oz Gammon, 2 sausages, 2 eggs, black pudding, served with chips, mushrooms and tomatoes £9.50. See Menus section below in ‘REGULAR NOTICES.

  • Casino Night this Saturday – why not come along and join in the fun ? There will be the usual games and the PLAYING CHIPS ARE FREE. There will be prizes for the most successful gamblers. More details below in the ‘What’s On’ section.
  • We have had a sufficient response over the proposed club silk ties to proceed further. More info when I have it.

WHAT’S ON: Dates for your Diary: Unless stated otherwise, most events begin about 8.30     THIS SATURDAY 13th February – A James Bond themed Casino Evening from 8.00 pm onwards. Choose your own dress code from your favourite Bond character, Spectre villain, Black tie/ Evening dress, Lounge suit or smart casual, or simply come as you are and lend your support to this new venture. Usual Raffle and Buffet. All members and guests welcome. Remember, the playing chips are free!

Saturday 27th February – Elya – terrific vocalist.

Member to member area:

Members’ Businesses and Services: fee £50 per annum

Antique clocks, furniture and miscellaneous items for sale. POA. 01522 543167 / 07860 679495.

Estate & Letting Agent Derri Coppin  01522 382 382

Members’ Items for Sale: fee £5 until sold                                                                                                                                         Gents Claude Butler bicycle 24 gears – offers – buyer collects – 787441 to view

Bookcase 7 feet long made from sapele wood – offers – buyer collects – 787441 to view

To advertise please email:


  1. 1. Sunday menu: Starter – soup of the day or pate £3. Main course – pork or beef with roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings and seasonal vegetables £6. Dessert course – please ask as this changes per season winter or summer £3.

Wednesday & Friday menu: Starter – farmhouse pate or soup £3. Main course – Fish and Chips (Friday only), scampi, homemade pie chips and peas, gammon steak chips and peas £6. Rib eye or sirloin steak, chips, peas £8 (please pre-order steak and fish the day before). Castle Hill Club Mixed Grill 4oz Ribeye, 4oz Gammon, 2 sausages, 2 eggs, black pudding, served with chips, mushrooms and tomatoes £9.50 Specials will be available please ask on the night.                        

  1. There are 28-day passes available, located on the shelf below the notice board near the TV. If you know someone who would like one just fill in the details on the pass itself and its stub.
  2. Opening times: Weekdays – 12.00 to 15.00 / 17.30 to 23.00

Saturdays and Sundays-12.00 to 23.00 – Christmas Day: 11.00 to 14.00

We may extend to 2.00 a.m. on special occasions and please feel free to use the club for business meetings and interest group meetings as well as the usual family events. Catering available on request. Simply make arrangements with Laurence.

GUEST ALES:   Hobgoblin and Bass (both abv 4.5) sponsored by CHC, and London Pride (4.1} sponsored by Paul Watson. If you wish to sponsor an ale of your choice please speak to Laurence.

This week’s offerings:

From the Uxbridge English Dictionary:

Senile…………..…what to do in Egypt.

Serial Killer……….combine harvester



A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Tuesday with its epicentre in Basildon. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering “Faaackinell.”

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident – Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, “It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm, slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning”

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.



This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

  • Clothing is most sought after – items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), White sport socks, Rockport boots, and any other items usually sold in Primark.
  • Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew, 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.

“Where are you bleeding from?” they asked. “Romford,” said the girl, “woss that gotta do wiv you?”

(Please don’t forward this to anyone living in Essex.)


Kind regards



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s